We have been talking to doctors for a month and a half, planning what to do next, what to focus on with Vince’s development and treatment. We bought plane tickets a month and a half ago. The destination is Philadelphia again, where Vince will have hip and leg surgery. Six to eight weeks in a cast, travel, booking a place to stay, making lists about things that need to be done. I can feel that as time progresses, I am slowly shrinking as well. I am very tired, I could sleep all the time, and my feet and wrists hurt a lot. Everything has been swollen for weeks. I jog, I walk, I get massages, I take pain killers and I pray.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
I pray at dawn when I turn Vince around in his bed. I pray in the morning under the shower. I pray when I drive. I pray when I get ready for my Friday date with my husband. And then a gentle voice speaks inside me:”I will give you strength for everything!”
We still have a month until our trip, but God cannot wait, He immediately showers me with his power! In two days all is taken care of to receive a wheelchair from the institution Vince attends in which we can stand him up too. With swollen hands I put him into the long leg braces, I place that into the chair, and then I suddenly notice we are zooming around the patio, and I am laughing, because I have to be careful not to drift off the side because of our speed.
“Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night.” Psalms 1:1-2
It’s nice to make plans, but the preparations before a surgery can burden a person very much. One’s mind starts getting filled with sentences starting with: What if…? And there are no answers, there is no plan B which we can figure out ahead. One can learn the lesson quickly when waiting for surgery: I am in the hands of God! Stiff and heavy mornings are ahead; I would like to be done with it all now, but Jesus enrolls me into another extracurricular class. The lesson is:
”Each day has enough trouble of its own. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
I’m overwhelmed with peace, because God is sitting next to me in my imaginary school desk, dictating, and all I have to do is write. I don’t have to figure out anything, I don’t have to know anything by heart, I don’t have homework, I just have to write down what I hear onto the empty pages of my heart. What a release! I open my ears, and my soul knows on its own what to do. What will happen tomorrow? The same as today! I listen and write. Then what? The same, I listen and I keep writing! And our lives are just like that. Each day has its own trouble/teaching, but it matters whether we listen to Him or we keep interrupting. Even though my days begin with bodily pain and burdens on my soul, they are not where I look. I stop interrupting, I listen instead. I listen to Him! To Jesus! I only have care for today, and I patiently wait to see how God is glorified in the midst of the events awaiting me. ͞Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again:
“Rejoice! I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:4,13