Have you ever been sad because of the difficulty your friend was going through? Have you ever felt that you have no strength to keep going? Have you ever been scared that your husband won’t come home anymore? Have you ever screamed at your child and then beaten yourself up about it later? Have you ever worried about your parents? Have you ever fallen asleep while playing a board game and then looked into the mirror only to see a crappy person?
“But as for me, I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; you are my God, do not delay.”
We are packing our bags, getting ready for the journey ahead of us. United States of America, here we come! Vince is going to have leg surgery in Philadelphia. I hate packing! I hate having to rethink everything over and over again, so nothing is left behind. I simply cannot do it. And to make everything a bit more difficult, the day before we had kindergarten graduation, and a meeting with one of the moms whose son also has a trach. The day before that I had to cut a last video that was requested by the kindergarten. And the day before that had been complete madness and running around: to get spare tubes from the sleep therapy company, to go to the pharmacy to have enough supplies in the US, to submit a
request for the financial support of Vince’s home lifting machine, to get a prescription in the hospital for the next six months’ worth of speaking valves, suction catheters, formulas, and then I even squeezed in a
The morning of our flight arrives. This is when I can pack everything up, because the machines Vince sleeps with are still needed the night before. Those are the heaviest and largest, so they are the ones going to the
bottom of the suitcases. The dining room table has been looking like lost and found for a week now, because I keep putting things there we will need. First comes the BIPAP machine, then the machine running the
water container that belongs to it, the cough machine, the inhaler and the spare suction machine make it into the bag. So we are left with the usual scenario: up at dawn, getting packed, getting Vince ready and ruuun!
I have this picture in my head as a balance on top of our large suitcase, and I keep telling myself that this all has to fit! My husband is watching the show and says in a calm voice: let’s take another suitcase. By that
time there is complete chaos in my head. We need to leave in ten minutes. I am having a tantrum: who is going to pull this one? Vince is travelling in a wheelchair, and we should have two more large suitcases and three other small ones? I give up. That’s how it’s going to be! Let it be as it can be, I won’t be bothered with this anymore, God will help us somehow.
“For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me. Be pleased to save me, Lord; come quickly, Lord, to help me!” Psalms 40:12-13
When we get to this point in our lives, that’s when real salvation arrives. When we cannot do anything more humanly possible, that’s when Jesus can show us what He has called us for. Finally, we have let go! Finally, God can take over! Hallelujah! It is so great that it is not up to me! Because then things would be very much disheveled around me. But this way, when I can get to this “letting go” part every day, Grace always shows up!
“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.”
Here, at this point of letting go, is where we have to be on the lookout! Here, at this point, is where we have to get to joy! Here, at this point, is where Jesus’s redemption is activated! Here, at this point, is where I get real life in my life. Here, at this point, is where I become different from non-believers. Here, at this point, is where I can really let go of my anger, my sadness, my weariness, my fury. Here, at this point, is where I can nab my own judgmental self and accept God’s precious gift: Jesus’s grace!
Lear to get to joy!
Good news=Gospel! Good news=Jesus has come to take your sadness, your inability! Good news=You have come to the point, you recognize it and you give it up! Good news=All is done!
You can say and feel this: but I pray! I go to church on Sundays! I believe in Jesus! I listen to worship on Youtube! I sing Christian songs! And still, there are no blessings in my life…
Let me ask you something: in your prayer, or even after your most difficult moments, do you get to the feeling of joy in your heart? Or do you still pray and speak to God in a way that after your repentance you still feel sorry for being in the situation you current are? If you do the latter, you have not received the gift! You have not activated the grace of God in your life! In reality, every prayer that ends in sadness and regret is the belying of Jesus Christ, because you have not understood that He has truly taken care of everything! With this approach you only do one thing: you don’t believe and cast judgment upon yourself! If you are in the law, you cannot be in mercy! This is a physical impossibility! Where there is light, there is no room for darkness! Where there is joy, sadness is no more!
“But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who long for your saving help always
say, “The Lord is great!”
Did we leave things at home? Yes! Could we get them in the US? Yes! Did I have a good laugh about my
balancing-on-the-suitcase situation? Yes!
“Many, Lord my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare.”