For a long time, I didn’t understand and I was angry about being the one who gave life to a sick child.
I was always a “good girl”, I helped where I could. I studied hard at school, and I worked hard at my job. I was upset and outraged, and I thought this was not what deserved, since I always wanted the best for everyone else. All my girlfriends had healthy children, and I was envious and questioned why God didn’t give this to me. I gave birth to a child who could not move, breath, or even eat. Is this the kind of life that comes from me?
Then God gently showed me His mercy, and as I started holding his hand as strong as I could, he answered:
“His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ ‘Neither this man nor his parents sinned,’ said Jesus, ‘but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.’” – John 9:2-3
Since the birth of my son Vince we have been to several hospitals here in Hungary and abroad as well, and I have met many Moms. We talked, we hugged each other, and we went back to our children to the hospital beds. There was defiance in me for years; yes, I can do it, I have enough strength and I will show everyone how to handle this situation with happiness. Then as the years passed, my strength started running out. I couldn’t sleep through the nights, and one day while I was driving, I caught myself thinking what if I just didn’t turn the steering wheel when the next bend comes.
Once I was ready to take Vince to the hospital, because he had caught a cold again, he was heaving, turning pale. When the usual symptoms show up, we have to run, so he can get extra oxygen. I leaned over Vince’s bed and started praying to Jesus. If he is indeed the Savior, it cannot be a problem for Him to heal my dear son. In an hour Vince woke up as if nothing had happened. His cheeks were rosy, he was smiling, and he was healed.
Since then something has changed in me, and I realized I have to share this with other Moms and Dads who are in similar life situations like me.
“How do you have strength for everything?” many people ask, because they know I have a disabled little boy who wears a tracheostomy tube. “I pray and God brings blessings into our lives.” I answer. Then there is a bit of an awkward silence, and they don’t understand that even though I haven’t slept through the night for years, there is still a smile on my face.